A Woman's Week At The Gym
Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
MONDAY:Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit- ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!
TUESDAY:I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
WEDNESDAY:The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals.
Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other stuff too.
THURSDAY:Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny b**ch to find me.
Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
FRIDAY:I hate Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.
Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the da*n barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
SATURDAY:Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
SUNDAY:I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
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Carin make me do it! She has just posted about starting back to the gym, and I had just read the above story, so that is the way this post came about. I found the cartoon on the web somewhere, and it just cracked me up. The "Woman's Week at the Gym" story was in a news letter from an online quilt shop called Stitchin Heaven. I didn’t see any copyright info, so I suppose it is ok if I use this material. If not, well, I guess that I can delete this post if it is requested that I do so.
Here is a link to their web site. Maybe the free advertising will make them feel better about me using their stuff!!!
My, how the time just flies by. The more I have to do, the less time I have to do it. This is just a quick post to let you know I am still around. Amanda is doing much better, and that makes me feel better. I finished the lions for the latest installment of the Noah’s Ark project. I liked the way this one turned out. They are all just so cute. Thanks again, Lynette.
I just couldn’t believe it when I got this in the mail a couple of days ago. Another package from my Angel Stitcher! I am just so happy with the things she sent. There is a really cute pattern for a little bag and all of the materials to make it. Also a quilt label, more beads, and more cookies and some really yummy candy. Last of all is a beautiful bag!!!!!!!!! I wish you could see it in person. It is so beautifully made. I just love it! Now I get to tell you who the lovely lady is that sent all these wonderful things to me. She is Maria, from Denmark. She has a blog that I visit frequently. It is called allmomasquilt. I think you would enjoy a visit there. It is mostly in Danish, I think. Don’t know for sure because I can’t understand that language, but she also makes some remarks in English. I have really enjoyed making the Angel Stitcher projects, and have sent mine off to their new owner in Australia. I just barely got them sent before the deadline. Procrastination is my middle name. Wish it weren’t so, but it is another fault of mine. I will end this post with a little note to Maria. Thank you so much for the beautiful gifts and I am so happy that you were my swap partner. You made this a really wonderful experience. Hope your Angel Stitcher is as good to you as you were to me. I will be visiting you on your blog very soon………
I was thinking about decorating my mantle for fall, which got me to thinking about the fall gourds I have and I decided to make a collage of them and show them here on my blog. In fact the idea of even decorating the mantle started because my sister, Kathy, showed a picture of what she had done on her blog. Must give credit where credit is due! I haven’t done a new gourd in a couple of years. They were fun to do, but I just haven’t been in the mood to do a new one. Hope my gourds don’t rot before I get around to them again.
Amanda
Cici from Sweden offered this little needle book pattern to the Stitcher’s Angels on Helens blog. I liked the one Cici made and decided to try to make one. I think it turned out very nicely, if I do say so myself. It is only about 2 1/2 inches wide, but it took quite a bit of time to make. I stitched all the writing on it and that is what took the longest. Would have used permanent marker, but mine were all dried out.
I finished the pin cushion from the pattern that Karen from Cotton Spice offered to the Stitcher’s Angel project. I, of course, had to do things a little bit differently. I didn’t have any chenille, although my sister said she had some I could have. I chose to use regular quilting fabric for my pin cushion. I also used the stitchery pattern from Natalie Lymer’s project. I used a poly filled yo-yo in the center front with a button on the front and the back. I like the way it turned out. I won’t go into detail, but must say that I had to make it twice. The first time I made it, it was a pin pillow! Way too big!!! 
I can’t believe how absent minded I am. I breezed right through Friday without posting my favorite blogger. Hoping that late is still better than never, my pick this week is Jeanne from her blog, luv2stitch. She shows great pictures, you know I love pictures.
A few posts ago, I showed you a picture of the cottage stitchery I had begun. It is now finished, but I think I got too carried away with the flowers. They sort of hit you in the face! I think I should have used a bit more soft colors and maybe not so many different ones. Oh, well, It was just something to do while watching TV. I think I will make a throw pillow out of it. Maybe I can pick out some fabric that will make it look better. If I still don't like it, I will give it to my daughter. "In your face" is right up her alley.
This Friday I have chosen Rondi, at Rose Colored Glasses, as my favorite blogger. I very much enjoy reading her blog. She recently changed her header and this one is as nice as the last one, which I loved. She has a real eye for color. Something I do not have and wish I did. Her pictures are always so beautiful. She has a post on Thursdays where she tells of the things for which she is grateful. This weeks was very lovely and inspiring. Take a look at her blog. I am sure you will enjoy your visit. Click here to go there.
